—by Nathan on November 24, 2009—
Recently, my ears were the subject of a joke about the Bears (Actually, this joke can be made about any terrible sports team, but I heard it using the Bears, so I'll stick with them. Besides, I don't give a darn about the White Sox or the Cubs). Though offensive to Bears fans, it can be used to crack someone up:
A husband and wife are getting a divorce and go to court to see who will claim custody of their young daughter. They argue and argue, and aren't able to make up their minds. Finally, the judge turns towards the daughter and asks, "Little girl, who do you want to go with? Your mommy?"
"No. She beats me," the child replies.
"No. He beats me."
"Well, then. Who do want to go with?"
"The Bears. They don't beat anybody."
See? And all you have to do is replace "Bears" with, oh, "Packers" or something, and you have it made!
This is just one ways to make fun of the Bears. Other favorites in our house are jokes that poke fun at poor Jay Cutler, or a certain song that compares the Bears to lollipops. Truth is, I kind of believe that these jokes right. During this season, the Bears haven't done their best.
My dad was all excited about the Bears' new quaterback, Jay Cutler. Though my father doesn't always express his emotions, we all knew what he was thinking. Super-bowl material. Yeah right. Not this year. If you've been a prominent viewer of the Sunday night games, you've probably gathered that the Bears and their rivals all share one player in common: JAY CUTLER! Man! The start out for this guy hasn't been the best. An interception here, an interception there...The main event of the games now is to see how many times and in how many ways Cutler can screw up. Just kidding, but it may start getting to be like that. And don't get me started on that cut tongue thing. Abby once put chocolate on her tongue and said, "Look! I'm Jay Cutler! I'm bleeding chocolate!" Hah, hah, hah. Very funny. We like making fun of the Bears. Great, now I've got that Packers' fan song in my head...again!
How come other teams like the Vikings can do so great when they've got old man Farve? And was it just a rumor that the Colts are undefeated? Why are they good, and we aren't? Maybe it's because we have an older coach and a mix of old players and new ones. I don't think we've got enough decent guys. Here's my idea: Fire some old guys (either next year or in two years), fire Smith and Turner next year, get a new coach and offensive dude, get new players, be terrible next year, get a good grip during the training season, then go to Super Bowl in two years. That could work. Maybe. At least keep Cutler, Devin Hester, Brian Urlacher (if his wrist recovers, and if he's still young enough to be good), Johnny Knox, and maybe Danial Manning, Greg Olson, and Matt Forte. The last three are pretty good, and they can stay, but maybe a little bit more training can help. Cutler likes to throw to these guys.
Yeah, the Bears may have not won a Super Bowl since 1985, when Ditka was coach, but they could have the potential to do it again in a few more years. My dad says Cutler is going to stay around for a long time. Let's just hope he can do better that Grossman! He probably will, but the guy needs a confidence boost in his team, his coaches, and his arm. If Jay Cutler can do that, and if da Bums-I mean, da Bears- can pull it all together, the Super Bowl could very well be in the bag. Who knows? The Bears could start beating guys after all.