School (in the Words of a Werd)

by Nathan on August 8, 2010 (SchoolWerd)

Blogger's Note: This blog is intended to be fun. Most of these are probably not true...I think. Maybe one or two. The purpose of this blog is to describe school in as many colorful descriptions as possible.

School.

A long, oppressive arm that breaks forth from the cage of summer to rend my mind from the peaceful, creative environment which I would prefer to indulge my time in and place me within the cell of education and learning.

School.

The constant war between teacher and pupil, where the teacher tries his or her best to constrict the flow of entertainment by enforcing strict work upon the shoulders of the students, whose goal is to shrug off the shackles of work. Unfortunately, the hard-pressed student is rarely the winner in this battle, only claiming victory during the short weeks of winter and summer.

School.

Compared to school, the guillotine inflicts paper cuts, sharks are as dangerous as gold fish, and the nuclear bomb is a spit wad. Compared to school, a tornado is a whisper, a category-five hurricane is as nasty as an innocent newborn, and a fire is as menacing as a fly. Compared to school, dictators are as kind as Willy Wonka, slave masters give flowers instead of whippings, and lunatics make as much sense as step-by-step instructions for a device a two-year-old could put together.

School.

What if school was originally intended to be fun? If that were the case, the Cubs would have won the World Series, life would be fair, and wishes would come true. World hunger would be solved, world peace would be a reality, and every nation would be as prosperous as the USA. We would all be millionaires, poverty would be a bad dream, and the war would be unheard of.

School.

What is the purpose of school? To stick children in a colorless room as they scribble meaningless notes while listening to the drawl of a man or woman who teach only because they would rather not stay at home and watch ESPN all day while drinking soda and gorging on chips and candy.

School.

Why would anyone who went through school ever decide to teach it? One word: Revenge. They remember the years where they sat in those dark rooms, tried to not fall asleep during lectures, and stayed up late accomplishing homework that they probably forgot to hand in anyway. They want to stab back at the next generation with those same drafty cells, those same snore-creating talks, and those same bone-chilling, hour-wasting, stomach-churning tasks. They cannot get back at their own teachers...so they strike back at their students. Little do they realize that THEIR teachers were doing it for the same reason...and so on...and so on...vengeance is a dish best served under the guise of education.

School.

As terrible as a twister in Toledo. As irritating as an itch in Indiana. As laboring as a lawman in Little Rock. As mad as a monkey in Mississippi. As boring as a belch in Boston. As confusing as the crowds in Chicago. As harmful as a hammerhead in Hawaii. As funny as fog in Frankfort. As nagging as a nail-biter in Nebraska. As surly as a ship captain in Saskatchewan (oh, wait, that's Canada. That one doesn't count).

School.

Who was the nut who decided that "cool" should be in "school"?

As said before, these are intended to be funny. If you are an offended student, then please forgive me. If you are an offended teacher, then tell me and I'll do another one of these and dedicate it to you.

Tags: SchoolWerd

Comments

  • I can really tell how much you love school. I think YOU should become a teacher and show us all how it should be done. Great use of alliteration.

    Comment by Mom on August 13, 2010

  • Why don't you tell us how you really feel?

    Comment by Scott on August 16, 2010

Leave a Comment

Submit Comment